The Shield's Heavy Burden
by Caillieach
Summary: In psychology, stress is a feeling of strain and pressure. It is a type of psychological/emotional pain that occurs when a person feels unequipped or too overwhelmed to handle a situation. The emotional component may be a sense of helplessness, frustration, anger or even something close to panic or fear. An attempt to dive into the reasons behind Gladio's outburst on the train.


**Disclaimer:**

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners, here: Square Enix. Any possible future original characters & plots are my own. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended. I do not earn money with this.

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**Author's Notes:**

This idea was born the moment I reached the cutscene on board of the train to Cartanica in the game.

I've been aware that the fandom is split over Gladio and that there's a lot of hate for him circling around and, since I hadn't reached that point yet and didn't know what everyone was talking about, I just ignored it and continued on my way since I've been in the 'Gladio Protection Squad' nearly from day one.

That hasn't changed.

What has changed is my perception of him after watching the drama unfold. Not in a bad way, I just think I understand him better, maybe?

I will do my best to approach this as unbiased as possible and to do right by this and Gladio as SE has made him. However, please keep in mind that it's impossible to keep this entirely objective as it is a very emotional scene and that this is just my interpretation of what happened and why.

Updates might be a little slow due to real life, but I will try my best to continue this soon-ish. It really depends on my muse's inspiration.

That being said, I hope you enjoy. Feedback is, as always, appreciated.

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He could feel the old woman's gaze on him as if it was a laser, burning the side of his face visible to her.

It was clearly a phantom feeling, but it felt hot and his skin itched. He fought the urge to scratch it to make it go away and continued watching the landscape pass by in a blur. Or, he tried to at least. He didn't really see anything, his gaze directed at things beyond what was in front of his eyes.

Lost in his thoughts, he startled terribly when something touched his right hand and his head whipped around, observing his surroundings with narrowed eyes, his instincts screaming at him for having let his guard down if only for a minute. Not something, he realised, but someone.

"You will draw blood soon if you don't relax a bit, dearie."

The old woman looked at him, seemingly absolutely not fazed by the way his whole body had noticeably tensed up, ready to spring into action at a moment's notice. Instead, the crow's feet wrinkles around her eyes grew more pronounced as she smiled at him.

"I...what?"

Gladio blinked at her, confusion momentarily dispelling his lingering thoughts. Was the old lady off her rocker?

"You're clenching your fists so hard that you'll likely draw blood soon, dearie."

Baffled, Gladio looked down at his hands. They were indeed clenched, so hard that the knuckles had gone white. Oh. He hadn't even noticed. Gladio found himself thankful and feeling guilty for it at the same time that none of his former instructors, that Cor or Astrals forbid his Dad were present to witness him unravelling because that was what was happening. With a sigh, he made an effort to unclench his hands under the watchful gaze of the old lady. He couldn't quite hide the wince when feeling rushed back in to where his fingernails had left deep imprints in his palms.

"There, that's better, don't you think?"

Suddenly, there was a hand patting his again, the skin on his feeling warm and dry, and he hadn't seen it coming again. Was he so out of it? Incredulous, he looked up and met her eyes. Still the same, unfazed smile. She meant well, he knew, but his skin still felt stretched too thin and the muscles in his shoulders were still rigid with tension, so before he could help it, he went off on her, too. Seemed to be a trend, lately. Before he knew it, he was half out of his seat, towering over her despite not standing fully upright.

"You…have you ever heard about such a thing as respecting someone's personal space or do you go around touching every stranger familiarly?"

Despite the vitriol in his voice, she just kept smiling at him calmly and immediately he felt bad about his words. That, too, seemed to be a trend for him lately. Gladio slumped back into his seat – and chastised himself for losing control yet again, his instincts clearly going haywire fraught with nerves as they were – and sighed heavily.

"…I'm sorry, that was uncalled for."

Gladio was acutely aware that such behaviour would have been frowned upon at court and that his father would likely have been ashamed to see his son acting so volatile. He had been raised better. The first lesson he had learned was that the moment he lost his head, he was not able to effectively protect his charge any longer and right now, control was slipping through his fingers as if it was water. He should know better.

It didn't help that his charge was at the centre of the whole problem, though.

"It's quite alright, dearie, don't worry about it. Are you okay? You seem as if there's something weighing heavily on your mind. Does it have to do with the young men you boarded the train with?"

Was it that obvious? He winced again as the whispering echoes of earlier that day picked up again in his mind.

'….hell is wrong with you…need to grow up…too busy moping…give a shit…your duty…sorry for yourself…coward…coward...coward…'

Gladio clenched his eyes shut and bowed his head in shame. He had failed. Both as Shield to the King and as a friend to Noctis. He felt bone tired. Another sigh escaped him, and he furrowed his brows in annoyance with himself. This wasn't like him. At all.

Roughly running his fingers through his hair, he finally mustered the will to look up again.

"There is, but frankly? I appreciate the concern but it's none of your business."

There, that was as polite as he could manage to tell someone to fuck off at the moment. He really did not feel like airing that hurricane of complicated emotions, memories and thoughts raging inside of him when he himself could barely get a handle on it, least of all to a stranger.

"I am aware, dearie. But frankly? You are a bundle of nerves and I can practically feel how tightly wound you are."

Gladio bristled at that, at her echoing his words back at him, but before he could snap at her to mind her own business again, she continued and his mouth snapped shut. Huh. Great moment for at least some of his manners to kick in again.

"Let it out, dearie, you'll feel better for it. You can leave out anything I don't need to know but you should get it out."

And there was that annoying patting of his hand again. Seriously, who did this stranger think she was? His mother?

Yeah, no.

"Seriously, what's with patting my hand all the time, lady!? I'm not a dog!"

Gladio glowered down at her in indignation – and when had he stood up? He hadn't noticed. He really was out of it, wasn't he? – prepared to stomp off and find another seat so he could wallow in his emotions in peace. But she surprised him again.

"Indeed, you are not, but you behave like a cat bristling its fur while throwing a hissy fit. Now, sit down, dearie."

"I….what?"

Without wanting to, Gladio snorted in grudging amusement. He was throwing a hissy fit, wasn't he? Huh.

He was really making a spectacle of himself, and abruptly he became aware of the other passengers around them who were warily looking at him. He nodded at them in apology and hurried to sit back down. Maybe she was right. The way he was acting now and especially earlier with Noctis…right now, he was a loose cannon. He wouldn't be able to protect a rock in the state he was in at the moment. He needed to clear his head and fast…

Maybe he should get things off his chest. He didn't have to tell her who they were, not even their names. He looked up again and searched her face for any ulterior motives with narrowed eyes. She calmly looked back at him, sincerity in her gaze.

Gladio made up his mind.

"Fine but…I don't know where to begin."

His shoulders slumped as he struggled to decide where to begin. Too much had happened and his brain was a mess of everything jumbling together.

"Try at the beginning. When did things begin to go wrong, dearie?"

Gladio snorted. Ordinarily, that was a good question but honestly, maybe asking what didn't went wrong since they had left Insomnia was the better question to ask here. Not that she would know that.

"Yeah, about that…things have been going to shit for a while now."

He shook his head as the familiar feeling of impotent helplessness reared its ugly head again, threatening to choke the breath out of him. He shoved it down ruthlessly for what felt like the millionth time since Insomnia fell. His voice sounded strangled even to himself when he finally continued.

"I guess the latest events were just too much for us…"

He fell silent again. Six, this was harder than he thought. Gladio wasn't a very emotional guy on the best days. That wasn't to say that he didn't feel the impact of things. He did. In fact, his father used to say he felt things too deeply and that he needed to learn how to not let that affect him in his duty.

'Sorry, Dad, I fucked up. Big time.'

But he had always sucked at expressing what he felt. He didn't do emotions well…or so Prompto used to say jokingly. Gladio had to agree, emotions were hard. Unbidden, the echoes from earlier gained in volume again, prompting him to hide his stinging eyes behind his hands.

'Enough, Gladio...don't do this…pull your head...get a grip!'

"How so, dearie?"

The soft, compassionate voice startled him back into reality and the old woman's face swam back into focus when he let his hands drop into his lap. He heaved another sigh and bowed his head again. He figured that not looking at her would probably make it easier to speak about everything that went wrong. Blacking out the room would be preferable but alas, one couldn't have everything; he'd have to work with what he had.

"…we were in Altissia when…when Leviathan awoke, and everything went to hell."

Distantly, Gladio registered her gasp a soft "Oh dearie…" but his memories, stirred from the corner of his brain he had locked them up in and close to bursting out of their 'prison' with a vengeance began to pull him under.

"We were right in the midst of things, but we've been separated and…two of us got hurt. Badly…"


End file.
